


Exhale

by TortiTabby



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Drinking, Jealousy, M/M, Travel, hurt comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 18:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16770691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/pseuds/TortiTabby
Summary: Sam the Surfer shows up for a fourth time in Brazil and Dan isn't in the right head space to deal with it.





	Exhale

He was there again, in Brazil of all places. Dan knew he would never hear the end of it. Phil didn’t believe in coincidences and Sam the fucking Surfer showing up for a fourth time just  _ had  _ to mean something. 

Dan was tired. It had been a long flight that hadn’t been particularly pleasant for him. He couldn’t stop his legs from jiggling and couldn’t find a comfortable position the entire time. 

Once they landed he had issues with the short tempered woman in customs, who made one small comment implicating that he was stupid that weighed heavy on the poor headspace he was in to begin with. Since then his chest was tight in the way that cut his breathing short and pulled his jaw tight. He struggled to keep up with the rest of the group physically as well as mentally as they traveled to collect their luggage. 

Which is how the rugged blond man dropped his jaw and ran over to Phil all happened in front of Dan from a few feet away.

“Sam!” Phil threw his arms around the chiseled torso of the surfer. He pulled away and stared at him with wide eyes. 

“You’ve got to come and have dinner with us or something!  _ Four times _ ? That’s crazy! You’re not about to get on a plane are you?” Phil was rambling in the familiar way he did when he got flustered. 

Dan usually found it endearing but today he didn’t have the mental capacity to quiet the beast in him. His jealousy was usually a vicious angry monster but today instead of spouting out of Dan’s mouth with angry word vomit he couldn’t control, it turned in towards Dan and consumed him from the inside out with toxic insecurity and anxiety that Dan was powerless against.

He said nothing as Sam the Surfer eagerly explained he just landed in Brazil and was spending a few days there and would  _ definitely  _ take Phil up on visiting with him tonight. 

He didn’t say it in a way that was suggestive but Dan’s skin still crawled and his brain whispered how much Phil deserves somebody more like Sam. 

Somebody handsome and energetic and lively instead of the shell of a person that Dan currently, and often was. Phil could actually leave the house with a Sam, he could go on adventures and not have to babysit an unpredictable mess who snapped at him and didn’t appreciate him nearly enough. 

What was Phil even doing with Dan? He wasn’t the excitable eighteen year old who met Phil anymore. They were just comfortable together. It was easier. Maybe Phil was waiting until their lease was up. Maybe Dan should bring it up first. Phil didn’t like to hurt Dan’s feelings, after all. 

“Dan did you grab your bag?” One of the members of their management was looking at him exasperatedly and jarred him out of his gloomy thoughts.

“I think it just went around to the other side. We’ll have to wait for it to come back around.” Marianne said with a small smile. 

Dan glanced around. Everyone else had their bag. Even Phil had his, distracted as he may be. 

He swallowed a lump in his throat and forced air into his stubborn lungs. 

Usually if one of them would reach baggage first they’d grab both suitcases. It meant nothing. Dan was being dramatic. It still stung to see Phil chatting animatedly to Sam with his luggage at his feet and Dan’s making it’s second way around the belt. 

It finally rounded the corner and Dan hurried to grab it.

“Why are we waiting here?” He heard Phil laugh as Dan hurried past. They hadn’t shared a word since they fought their way through customs. Dan was always the one with the issue. He cringed as he heard someone explain they were waiting on Dan.  _ “Again. Still.” _ He thought bitterly.

“Dan!” Phil slumped his shoulders back and moaned. “Come on I’m so tired of being in this airport.” He turned to Sam and said something Dan couldn’t make out. They both laughed heartily and Dan turned his burning face away. 

“Sam’s changing his hotel to the same as ours. There’s room in our van so I told him it’s okay if he rides with us.” Phil said as he slowed to walk next to Dan as they walked out of the airport. It wasn’t a question. 

“Kay.” Dan said and could hear how dryly it came out. He winced and could feel Phil’s irritation sky rocket.

“Don’t Dan. Please can you just not do this today? I understand the insecurity and jealousy but please don’t ruin this today. Sam’s a really cool guy and this kind of thing just  _ doesn’t  _ happen.”

Dan felt like a hand wrapped around his pounding heart and squeezed so hard he couldn’t breathe or think. He knew Phil wasn’t trying to be unkind. He was cross but he didn’t mean to stab Dan in the chinks of his armor, only that’s exactly where he hit. 

“Yeah.” Dan said gruffly. “‘Course.” He tried desperately not to burst into tears. This wasn’t how he wanted to enter a new Country with Phil.

Phil took his bluntness as attitude and scoffed before quickening his pace to walk next to Sam. Dan watched as Phil’s shoulders slowly lowered from being tense up by his ears before they finally relaxed. The two of them looked good walking next to each other. 

Dan sat next to Marianne on the van ride to where they were staying and tried his hardest to plaster a convincing smile across his face and fake enthusiasm. Nobody gained anything by Dan ruining the whole trip more than he already had. He felt so tired but couldn’t imagine sleeping.

Dan sighed a deep breath of relief as they entered their hotel room. It took a lot off of his shoulders to finally be in a room that had less than ten people in it for the first time in close to twenty hours. 

He plopped onto one of the queen sized beds and ran his hands over his eyes. He wished that they would have landed late at night instead of late afternoon so he could have an excuse to just go to bed. They still had a day and a half before the premier so he had time to get a grip but he wanted so desperately to be able to just sleep it off.

“Didn’t you sleep on the plane?” Phil asked as he changed into new clothes that didn’t smell like an airplane. Dan watched for a minute before frowning and opening his mouth before he could think better of it.

“Aren’t you wearing that shirt to the premier?” He asked. He was proud of how not accusatory it sounded but Phil saw through it regardless.

He stopped and dropped his arms to the side.

“ _ Dan. _ You know I don’t want to be with anybody other than you. We have been over this so many times and honestly it’s been a long time since we’ve had to. I thought we were over this. It’s not like you being possessive is particularly  _ attractive _ .” 

He glanced at Dan over the shirt he finished pulling over his head. “Don’t twist that, either. You just know how much I  _ hate  _ when you get like this. I was going to wear it to the premier but now I’m wearing it to dinner. I want to look nice tonight and that doesn’t have to mean anything more than that when I’m still going home with you at the end of the night.” He didn’t wait for a reply before haughtily heading to the bathroom to continue to spruce up.

Dan felt the seed of guilt grow hot in his gut and flush his whole body red in embarrassment. Phil wasn’t wrong. He was blunt and short in the way someone who hadn’t gotten any sleep on a long, long plane ride was, but he still wasn’t wrong. 

Dan breathed a deep breath in and held it like his therapist taught him before letting it out long and slow. He thought about calling her but he wasn’t sure what the time difference was. Plus if Phil found out Dan was calling his therapist after he already confronted him at how dramatic he was being it would only further his case, surely.

It was just going to be a bad night. Simple. They happened. He could pull Phil to the bed and cry through his excuses of his darkened outlook today that was laced with an irregular heartbeat, but there wasn’t a good enough reason why. He wouldn’t feel better, and Phil would only feel guilty on top of a ruined night he was clearly excited for. 

A mantra of  _ “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”  _ played through Dan’s head but he ignored it as he slipped on his baggy striped shirt he could hide in. It helped the tiniest of bits. Phil reappeared looking slightly apprehensive and braced for a fight. It wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary and honestly at this point Phil probably had a few choice words sent his way well earned but Dan just stood up and started towards the door.

“Do you need to do your hair or anything?” Phil asked. 

Dan stopped at the door and did another deep breathing technique, well aware he was being watched. Phil could be a right ass when he was sleep deprived. He felt inappropriately relieved to feel so numb today, to not bite when Phil was wound up himself. It wasn’t often at all for things to align perfectly for a petty on edge argument that could go well into the night, he could count the number of them in the past three years on one hand, but that didn’t mean it never happened.

“Nah. It’s pretty humid.” Dan said finally. 

He lead the way to the lift and jammed the lobby button where the rest of the group was meeting up. 

“Sam’s been here before and has a great place to go for dinner apparently.” Phil broke the silence. The heat was gone from his voice and Dan could hear the hint of worry instead. It was almost worse. 

“That’ll be cool. I can’t wait to have a good Caiprinha.” Dan replied. He wasn’t sure if he’d actually order one, any amount of alcohol on days like this was bad news, he knew that from experience thanks to a younger, angrier Dan. Still, it was what they talked about before they arrived and Dan was all about playing the part tonight.

Phil followed Dan onto the large van and sat next to him. He turned to chat with Sam but kept his leg firmly against Dan’s. Dan almost wished that Phil didn’t notice that he was off. He was simultaneously overcome with guilt for being a downer and relief at the grounding sensation of Phil’s touch. He knew that if Phil knew how off Dan was actually feeling they wouldn’t be on the van at all and that alone soothed some of his frazzled nerves. Phil could still go out and enjoy himself, at least.

“I don’t know where we’ll end up meeting next! Four times is crazy! I can’t believe I’ve ran into you in four different countries! It’s wild, man!” Sam was gushing, rather embarrassingly, if you’d ask Dan.

_ I’ve been there every time too, mate.  _ Dan thought wryly. 

“What was that, Dan?” Phil asked, his eyes wide and clearly irritated.

Oops. Dan pushed his third caiprinha away from his too warm body and closer to the middle of the table.

He hadn’t meant to drink as much as he did and more than anything just kept drinking and fiddling with his glass as a means to keep his shaky hands busy

It was as much of a mistake as it always was. It had been years since Dan had made a decision this stupid on a bad mental health day.. It wasn’t the kind of day where he did things right though and he could feel the buzz vibrating through his already tightly wound body.

“I think I’m knackered. I need to go to sleep. You’ll all have to go on without me.” Dan pushed his chair away from the table and hurried out the front door before he could make a bigger fool of himself.

The fresh air, cooling as the night set in, pushed Dan further out of his drunken fog. It was a pleasant sensation that he welcomed. He stretched and glanced around the peaceful nightlife before jumping at someone tugging on his arm harder than necessary.

“You are not just going to disappear into Brazil drunk and on your own what are you thinking!?” 

Phil was mad. Actual, end of his wits, lost his temper, angry. 

Dan just blinked back at him but Phil wasn’t having it.

“What are you  _ thinking  _ Dan?” Dan took a shaky breath in.  _ Fine _ .

“I’m thinking I don’t want to ruin everyone’s night like I ruined everyone’s day. I’m  _ thinking  _ I’m sick of feeling so anxious about doing something else wrong that I feel physically sick today. I’m not just jealous- You deserve someone better….like Sam the  _ fucking  _ Surfer.” Dan swung their arms back and forth. He couldn’t stop the words from bubbling up. “I want to sleep until the premier. I’m tired. I had a bad day. I’m a fuck up and I’m ruining all of Brazil.” 

Phil stared at Dan long and hard before pushing him on to a bench nearby. 

“Stay. I won't even be a minute. Promise me you wont leave this bench.” 

Dan shrugged and glared in the opposite direction. He didn’t want to see the pity on Phil’s face. He just wanted to sleep and be done with this day.

He heard Phil sigh and turned around in time to see him jogging back inside. 

Not a minute later he returned with their driver. He didn’t slow his walk as he pulled Dan out of his seat while walking past. They hurried to the van and sat in the far back and out of earshot of the driver. 

Dan stared at Phil patiently. He waited for the scolding, the anger, hell he waited for the agreement and potential break up. 

He hadn’t expected the onslaught of tears that found their way down Phil’s cheeks, instantly sobering Dan far more than a cup of coffee or cool shower could.

“Babe?” 

“I’m so  _ tired _ .” Phil laughed and pressed his wet face into Dan’s shoulder. “I’ve been awful to you today while you’ve gone through your own personal hell in your head and I just made it ten times worse. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Dan bit his lip. He took a breath to start arguing but Phil shook his head.

“I’ve been shit today.”

“We’ve both been shit today.” Dan nudged his head with the shoulder it was resting on until Phil glanced up at him with blood shot eyes. 

The alcohol loosened the tightly wound nerves that had been wrapped around Dan’s lungs and frantic heart all day but he still struggled to take normal, even breaths, and his heart hadn’t stopped drumming at a tempo far faster than normal the entire time. He tried to take a big, deep breath. Phil, familiar with the routine, sat up immediately to quietly join him, grounding him once again. 

They breathed out slowly together. They were a sloppy, crying, half drunk mess but they’d be alright.

“Can I complain about Sam the fucking Surfer yet or should I wait a few days?” Dan asked as he crawled under the sheets over to Phil and curled around his already half asleep body.

Phil hummed and lightly pinched Dan’s side before his breathing drifted into snores. 

_ Give it a week, bub.  _ It roughly translated to english from Phil-ish. 

Dan realized with a start that he was the sole person on the entire planet who could have understood that and felt like laughing hysterically at how melodramatic and upset he had been all day. He knew it hadn’t been logical thinking. Still, it was nice to be reminded of the strange codependent love that they shared- that they take care of each other at the end of an all around shit day for the both of them. 

He took a deep breath as sleep settled in his bones and was relieved to find it finally came easily. 

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I write fics like this a bit too much but hey I enjoy writing them (even if I did write one that's a bit similar)  
>   
> thanks for the word war chat for helping me with this!
> 
> If this doesn't make sense it's because it's 3:24 a.m. right now.  
>   
>   
> Reblog it on [tumblr here!](https://tortitabby.tumblr.com/post/180583199940/exhale)


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